Standing Tall in a Foreign Land
I live in Japan, but this article could be written about my life in any country outside my native land. I suppose living in different countries brings different experiences overall, but even though each country has its own unique culture and way of doing things, in every case, I would still be a foreigner.
Like a lot of foreigners living here in Japan, when I first arrived I was full of positivity, ready to explore anything and everything Japanese. I didn’t waste a day; I spent all my free time exploring. Exploring historical sites, exploring the language, exploring the nightlife, exploring friendships and deeper relationships. It was great. But then, I hit that first inevitable lull. You know, that point where you take off those rose-tinted glasses and see everything in a slightly different light? This happened at about the five-month mark.
I didn’t deal with that first lull very well. I dragged my ass at work every day, and where there was once an abundance of compliments about my performance and energy, comments about how tired I looked took their place. I didn’t go out with my friends much and even my girlfriend put up some distance between us, no doubt induced by my less-than-inspiring behavior.
Well, as any long-term foreign resident of this country might’ve guessed, I snapped out of my funk and found myself loving life even more than I had when I first arrived. I suppose this had a lot to do with realizing that I had gotten past the first major attack of culture shock and started to feel really confident about my ability to hack it in this exciting and different land, where I didn’t really have anybody to count on except for myself.
Well, as the months rolled by and the years started to mount up, I went through several high periods as well as low periods. Of course, my experience isn’t unique. Anybody who’s lived here for several years has been through the same thing, I’m sure. I’ve been thinking more and more about the different ways people stay in the game here, keeping their lives meaningful and enjoyable, or at least not regrettable.
I’ve spent most of my time in Japan living in Tokyo. Living in this city, I could never complain about having nothing to do; I think I could try something new or see something new here every day for the rest of my life and never have to repeat the experience if I didn’t want to. I meet new people all the time and feel that, overall, people are pretty friendly to me here.
But, it gets lonely sometimes, doesn’t it? People invite you out all the time and you go. You even have a good time. But, when you get back to your tiny little apartment, you often find yourself thinking, everybody seems to know my name, but nobody really knows me at all. I wonder if they even really want to know me.
When I hit these downswings, I try to stay busy with my hobbies and other projects. But, there are those days sometimes. You know the ones… The ones where you ride the train to work in the morning and you notice an inordinate amount of disapproving stares. Maybe you were just being too sensitive, but… Then, at work you get hammered with requests and nobody seems to appreciate the fact that you’re working your ass off. And to top it off, you get a complaint from a customer or a criticism from the boss. Finally, on the way home you stop off in a convenience store for something to take home for dinner and after you’ve waited in line for the next open register for several minutes, some inconsiderate douchebag jumps in front of everyone in line because the next person was too slow in getting up to the counter. And, the cowardly clerk does nothing to set things right even though he or she is clearly disturbed by the incident. Nobody else says anything, either. So, you do. And, what happens? People look at you like you’re the asshole.
I don’t know about you, but when I have days like those, I sometimes think, hey, maybe I don’t belong here. But, I quickly realize that I’d face a different set of problems back home in terms of coping with daily life. So, during the down periods, I pick back up with studying the language again. Or, I organize a party and just invite people I can stand; No social networking or other bullshit, just good friends and good times. But, and I hate to admit it, I also hide in my apartment some weekends just to clear my head. Eventually, I rebound and find myself feeling glad that I live here. But, I always know in the back of my mind that I’ll find myself with that trapped-in-a-fishbowl feeling at some point again. As time goes on, though, I do feel that I’m getting better at dealing with the downswings.
What about you? How do you deal with low points during your life abroad?
This post was submitted by billywest
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I wonder if all gaijin here in tokyo feel the same. I think you just described my life
I’ve been here in Tokyo for five years and I have those cycles but in average I love being here.
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Yeah, for the most part, I love living here in Tokyo; Actually wouldn’t live anywhere else at this point in my life.
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When I have those low times that is when I start to go to temples or something like that. Although, I also just hide out in my apartment sometimes just to get away from everything. Billy, this is one of the most honest things I have ever read about living in Tokyo.
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Great post, Billy. I haven’t been here for five months yet but as a newbie you do tend to get lots of advice from other expats and you can tell when they are in one of those down cycles.
The thing I have noticed, which you touch on, is that when those rose coloured glasses come off in Japan people seem to put them back on to look back at their home country! Suddenly “home” is the perfect gauge against which to measure Japan.
No where is going to be perfect - bureaucracy is frustrating for whatever reasons everywhere, getting to work in the morning is a bitch everywhere and you come across rude people, bosses and customers everywhere.
That’s not to say it’s not important to discuss and analyze the country you are in and the particular whys and wherefores of said annoyances but only as an aid to handling it better next time or coming to terms with it. Again, that is something that needs doing at home, too - it’s probably just a lot easier to analyze when you’ve been raised in the culture.
I’m not underestimating the importance of a good “de-brief” to a friend, either but constant complaining for the sole sake of complaining gets you nowhere, except maybe into a depression, both at home and abroad.
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I spend time inside too. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Everyone has their own way to cope. When I first got here I’d go out all night a few nights a week.
Where’d you get the ratings system?
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You know, it seems like I’ve been going out way too much lately, though. That’s put a little dent in my bank account.
As for the ratings system, here’s the wordpress plugin I’m using:
http://wordpress.org/extend/plugins/wp-postratings/
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I feel you on that one Billy. Going out is fun but after a while the old bank account does start to look a little lean. I have started to try and find ways of having fun in Tokyo while spending a little less yen. To my surprise that are some things that you can do which cost very little money.?
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I, too, stay home if Tokyo gets a bit much for me…And when I used to have a telly, I wouldn’t turn it on because it would blast more Japanese. But Japan has a way of working its way back into your heart before you feel like giving up.
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My rose-tinted glasses came off a lot earlier, partly due to being hungry. I’m a vegetarian and wasn’t prepared to give that up. I found it very difficult being out with friends because ordering veggie food is a nightmare in Japan, unless you’re in Koyasan or parts of Tokyo. I wasn’t in Tokyo. I also encountered something which is apaprently quite normal in a Japanese work situation. My co-worker, a Canadian girl with whom I became very good friends, was the one they “liked”, while I was the one who got criticised. She was aware of this and would often say she was sorry they gave me a much harder time. It certainly got to the point where I was checking the prices of flights back to the UK.
I went through ups and downs and had a longing to meet other British people - every time I heard a British accent I would make a beeline for its owner and find that they too were pleased to talk. That’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy meeting Japanese, American, etc folk, but I had a huge need to connect with my “own people” at times. But the thing that really saved me was my art. Through that I gained confidence, learned more Japanese, met much more interesting people and realised that not every Japanese person was like my manager, HT etc. And that if I were working in a a place as faceless and Stepford-Wifey as my eikawa back home, I would probably hate my British counterparts.
It made me appreciate home a lot. But in a similar vein, going to a wedding in the outer suburbs a few years back made me appreciate London. I guess what I mean is you wouldn’t be where you are for so long for no good reason, but there are still times you wish you were elsewhere.
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Its easy for me to adapt to any setting. Maybe thats because I really don’t care where I am. I can be in the middle of the Sahara desert and not care as long as I got a roof over my head, food, people to chat with, and air-conditioning. Oh cars too.
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This was a really cool article. =) I don’t anticipate a move to Japan for a few years yet, but I’m really glad to learn about the lows before I actually experience them, so I know things’ll go up too. Thanks!
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Thanks for reading, Kates.
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Hey Billy- interesting post, good honesty, takes balls to make yourself vulnerable like that,
I’ve been up and down in my time here too- 5 years and counting. I’ve outgrown old hobbies and developed new ones. In the past I used to hide out a lot and watch TV downloaded from the Internet. Not all weekend, but most nights. I wouldn’t want to go out with a bunch of vapid transitory friends, do empty stuff.
I realized the way forwards is just to get busy doing something- kind of what you’re saying. You gotta just plough ahead and do something productive. you have to level up. If you’re not levelling up, you’re stagnating, and that’s the worst trap to fall into in Japan, especially if you’re an English teacher. It’s easy to let it happen- but it’ll wither you away to nothing if you let it.
Anyway, yup.
Mike.
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Great stuff, Billy. Totally found myself relating.
I still can’t say I find myself sold on Tokyo, but after all the ups and downs I’ve been through in this country, Japan is home for me now. Oh, yes.
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