Who’s the Star of This Show Anyway?
The following is the continuation of a post begun at my personal blog site. To read that post, click here.
Well, by now you’ve had plenty of time to watch “Primer.” If you haven’t yet, you might not want to read the rest of this post if you’re interested in watching it, since spoilers will follow.
“Primer” tells the story of two engineers, Aaron and Abe, who try to build a device in their garage that would reduce the apparent mass of objects for some technologically useful purpose. After some success in getting their machine to work, Aaron discovers that they’ve built a perpetual motion machine of sorts and they both realize they are sitting on a goldmine. But, after trying to come up with a solid explanation of how the machine works based on the principles of physics, they realize that such knowledge is beyond their ability to understand and things kind of go into limbo for the two.
However, a breakthrough occurs…
One morning, Abe meets Aaron and promises him that if he (Aaron) skips work, he (Abe) will show him “the most meaningful thing that any living organism has ever witnessed.” From there, in a series of increasingly dramatic scenes, Abe reveals to Aaron that the machine works as a time-travel device. The amazing thing about the scenes is that none of the explanations are dumbed down; the real language of physics is used the whole way and the dialogue is totally believable.
Without getting too much into the events that occur within the story, let’s take a look at what happens to Aaron and Abe. Abe reveals to Aaron, after explaining what the machine’s capable of, that he has already built a box that will fit a human body, and that he, in fact, has already traveled back in time. Aaron realizes that the Abe he’s talking to is an Abe from the future and he decides he wants to do some time-traveling too. Well, the two make a killing on the stock market by taking end-of-the-day trading results back in time to each day’s morning and acting on their privileged information. As they take more and more trips, they become bolder, wanting to experiment with causality by carrying out one of Aaron’s fantasies. But, something unexpected and shocking happens.
In the course of carrying out an impromptu experiment, Aaron and Abe come across a character from their daily lives who has seemingly traveled back in time; a future version of a mutual acquaintance. Aaron and Abe realize that, even though they thought were living in the present; a time where all things that occurred were occurring for the first time, a time from which they could go back and manipulate the past with impunity… they were, in fact, living in somebody else’s past; a time that had already occurred at least once, and quite possibly there had already been several iterations. The two realize they are not the ones in control and begin accusing each other of revealing the secret of their machine (at some point in either the past or the future of the timeline they are currently on) to the intruder who has come from the future (it makes sense if you think about it).
I said you’d have to put on your thinking cap for this one, didn’t I?
Well, prior to their realization of the fact they are not in control, Aaron had told Abe that he thought the worst thing he could think of was knowing that the events happening around him were not occurring for the first time and everything that was going to happen was pre-decided, leaving him not in control of his own destiny. Well, the intruder from the future made his greatest fear come true.
It’s funny because, even though I always felt like the main star in the movie of my own life from the time I was a kid, I’ve noticed in recent years that I’ve started to feel more and more like a supporting actor. It’s as if, like Aaron and Abe, I find myself thinking maybe it’s no longer my time. Maybe the whole experience of my life up to this point has been about someone, or something else all along. Is all the control I once had now slipping through my fingers? Am I becoming powerless? Was it really the case all along that I was never in control, and had just maintained the illusion of having it for so long?
No, I couldn’t tell you who the main actor has become in my life (if indeed this is what has happened), but I wonder if, for a lot of people, the main characters in their lives become their children. I guess many humans reach an age where they decide they’ve done all they could do to advance themselves and then decide to live for someone, or something else.
Or maybe I’m just experiencing existential angst and need to reassign a real purpose and meaning to my own existence. I mean, nobody else is going to do it for me, right? I guess too many people reach a point where they start to see how time’s effects make them feel that the world is passing them by and that their dreams are growing cold. They start to lose touch. Many of them even come to think that the world was a better place when they were younger and that things have gotten out of hand. They can’t relate anymore so they turn their backs on the world. Too many of them linger on for years, and even decades, living lives of forfeit.
Well, there’s no way I’m copping out like that. I’ve just got to find a way to get my groove back (but sure as hell not like Stella did). I won’t be doing it by following the advice of others, though. Each person is appointed the task of finding the meaning or purpose of his or her own life. However, once a path is chosen, it’s often strayed from, and the only person who can find it again is the one who chose it in the first place. Some people lose their way and turn to religion in order to attach some meaning to their own existence. Not me, though. I’m not joining some cult just to gain a false sense of purpose or belonging.
Me?…
Until I’m completely back on the right path, I’m turning to beer. That’s right, good old draft beer. All I’ve got to do is finish the work week and make it through to Sunday. That’s my purpose. See you then, Neil, JT, and TC.
As for Aaron and Abe, I’ll leave that for next time…
This post was submitted by billywest
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I believe what you’re experiencing isn’t a loss of control, but rather the consequences of maturity and a loss of utter self-centeredness. Children and young people are the “star of the show” because they are self-absorbed and selfish. They also have big dreams and goals which they soon discover are unrealistic or really not all that important in the scheme of things.
As an example, I can tell you that I had a friend who went to college to be an engineer because he was sure he’d ride an easy gravy train when he graduated and live some sort of perfect life. He learned he didn’t like engineering and struggled until he changed his major to English, which he not only enjoyed but had a knack for. His goal of working at a high level tech company having wads of money changed, but it didn’t happen because he wasn’t in control, but rather because he learned that personal fulfillment was more important than career. He ended up working at a tech company as a writer anyway, and makes decent money, though not as much as an engineer. However, his job can’t be easily out-sourced and he has better job security than engineers now.
Letting go of ambition is often seen as giving up, but it’s often more of a change in life direction and focus. Also, as you get older, your energy diminishes, you have greater responsibilities, and you don’t have the same physical capacity. Your options, which you may once have labored under the illusion were limitless, are diminished as a result of these thing and that can be seen as losing control as well. Priorities change, but that doesn’t mean your aren’t the star of the show. You’re always the star. You just slowly realize that you were once far more naive than your realized and that a lot of the things you thought were so very, very important really weren’t. Younger people than you (now that you’re no longer part of the “immortal” youth generation) think you’re out of touch because you don’t validate their lives by living according to their values, but you aren’t out of touch. You’re actually more in touch with the nature of your reality than they are.
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Well said. Would just like to add that Japan can have a strong isolating effect on you and force you to ponder such things. I think the “Star of the Show” metaphor is apt, as I was wondering along similar lines myself. Particularly as social dynamics are so different here, you wonder what exactly am I doing wrong?! I was the “Star of the Show” back home. Keep doing what you’re doing. Enjoy the writing.
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>Until I’m completely back on the right path, I’m turning to beer.
More excellent words were never spoken. Enjoyed the post (thanks for the shoutout!) and had a great time last night. Let’s do it again soon.
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Will definitely be doing it again soon, my friend.
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I love Primer.
It manages to expand and melt my brain at the same time.
Interesting post. I’m trying to start my own business at the moment and there’s a big difference between how I imagined and how difficult it actually is. But I know that taking on a challenge will improve me so I’m trying to plough ahead.
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